The Dumbest Yr by Far (Till the Subsequent One)
Merry Christmas and all that. We’ve just a few days left in what has been by far the dumbest year on record. Don’t worry—the next one will be even dumber, and 2028 is going to reach forbidding heights of stupidity for which none of us are adequately prepared. Enjoy this while it lasts.
Come, friends and haters. Join us on a journey through time and space. Take a moment to reflect on some of the dumbest (and not so dumb) moments of 2025, most of which you’ve probably forgotten by now.
JANUARY — Corpse Removed from White House
• Sleepy Joe Biden was finally evicted from his taxpayer-funded care facility. Kamala Harris was also forced to leave, but not before humiliating herself one last time by pledging allegiance to “the United States of the United States of America” and certifying her own defeat, to joyous applause from members of Congress. Jeff Bezos’s wife-to-be, Lauren Sánchez, flaunted her tits at President Donald Trump’s second inauguration.
• Former senator Bob Menendez (D., N.J.), a.k.a. “Bullion Bob,” was sentenced to 11 years in prison following his conviction on corruption charges. His daughter continues to host a show on MSNBC.
• As wildfires ravaged California, ABC News anchor David Muir leapt at the chance to show off his chiseled bod on national television. In one of the most egregious acts of journalistic narcissism, Muir used a clothespin to achieve a form-fitting silhouette on his network-branded safety jacket while reporting live from the smoldering wreckage.
FEBRUARY — Journalists Reject Freedom
• Barack Obama’s presidential center (not a library) was slapped with a racial discrimination lawsuit, further delaying completion of the $800 million monstrosity. It might open next summer. Who knows? Meanwhile, Democrats started plotting ways to rebrand themselves as the party that knows how to build things.
• Washington Post journalists threw a tantrum after Bezos, the paper’s owner, issued a statement in support of “personal liberties” and “free markets.” MSNBC finally fired Joy Reid—the pride of Harvard—whose inimitable punditry included an Election Night rant in which she refused to believe that Harris could have lost after being endorsed by Queen Latifah.
MARCH — Democrats Pounce on Cancer Child
• Democrats harrumphed their way through Donald Trump’s joint address to Congress. Trump, by contrast, melted hearts. He announced that D.J. Daniel, a 13-year-old brain cancer survivor who dreamed of becoming a police officer, would become an honorary member of the U.S. Secret Service. Democrats could not even bring themselves to clap. Daniel’s congressman, Al Green (D., Texas), wasn’t even in the building after getting tossed for making a scene. MSNBC’s Nicolle Wallace said she hoped Daniel wouldn’t grow up to be a cop who killed himself after being attacked by Trump supporters.
APRIL — Boobs in Space
• Bezos sent his buxom fiancée into outer space along with CBS News anchor Gayle King and pop star Katy Perry, who declared that the all-female crew was “going to put the ‘ass’ in ‘astronaut.'”
• Trump made history by securing the release of Ksenia Karelina, a former ballerina unjustly imprisoned in Russia. She is the most attractive American ever released as part of a negotiated prisoner swap.
• The Trump-induced “vibe shift” delivered a crucial win for inclusive diversity when the 2025 WNBA draft was dominated by a historically underrepresented demographic: attractive white women.
• CNN media expert Brian Stelter had a fun night at “nerd prom” in Washington, D.C., but struggled to reenter society the following morning, when he was seen waddling around an Amtrak train in an alarming state of dishevelment.
MAY — Remedial Masculinity Training
• Jake Tapper got remedial training in human decency before the launch of his book about journalists and Democrats’ (pardon the repetition) having been the only people in the country who couldn’t see that Biden’s brain had ceased to function. Meanwhile, Biden bragged that he could “beat the hell out of” Tapper, which is probably true.
• In other journalism news, the anti-Israel influencer Glenn Greenwald was caught in a little schoolgirl’s uniform, worshipping feet. Hate when that happens.
• Democrats were flummoxed when their longstanding efforts to denounce “toxic masculinity” failed to attract male voters in 2024. Doing what comes naturally, they convened a committee of experts and developed a $20 million plan to “study the syntax, language and content” most likely to appeal to men. The campaign was spearheaded by a woman. This woman:
JUNE — World War III
• Trump bombed Iran, cementing himself as a champion of female empowerment. Ben “Hamas” Rhodes was inconsolable, while Tucker Carlson assured us that a U.S. strike on Iran would provoke a world war that “could easily kill thousands of Americans.” Shockingly enough, this didn’t happen.
• Greta Thunberg, the adult child activist, was tortured by the Israeli government.
• This actually happened in Colorado. It wasn’t some AI-generated right-wing fever dream.
JULY — The Bureaucracy Strikes Back
• Stephen Colbert, the obnoxious former comedian, became a liberal martyr after CBS News announced that it would rather not continue paying him $20 million to host a show that loses $40 million every year.
• Hunter Biden hit the podcast circuit, where he provided useful tips on how to make delicious crack and threatened to get elected president so that he could invade El Salvador to bring back all the illegal immigrants.
• Michael Duffin, a former white supremacy expert at the State Department, organized the saddest rally ever in support of fellow bureaucrats who lost their jobs in the DOGE purge. He refused to answer the Washington Free Beacon‘s question about what the Founding Fathers would think of his profound courage in the face of adversity.
AUGUST — Actually, Crime Is Good
• Trump started cracking down on violent crime, prompting Democrats to rally to the defense of violent criminals.
• A weary nation celebrated the 10-year anniversary of Tabin’s Law, which has held true ever since: “Things have not gotten as stupid as they are going to get.”
• MSNBC was forced to rebrand itself as MS NOW—short for “My Source for News, Opinion, and the World”—ahead of its formal separation from parent company Comcast. The new name was widely mocked. One media insider likened it to “Coke having to change its name to Cuck.”
• Jim Acosta, the former CNN journalist, united liberals and conservatives in disgust when he “interviewed” an AI-generated, 25-year-old version of a student who died in a school shooting. We thought it was one of the dumbest things we’ve ever seen, which is why we urged Acosta to do it more often.
SEPTEMBER — Leave the Cartels Alone
• Charlie Kirk was gunned down by a left-wing radical. Liberal commentators celebrated Kirk’s death, then spread blatant falsehoods about the killer’s motivations. Jimmy Kimmel was briefly suspended for suggesting the assassin was a Trump supporter. Oddly enough, CNN’s esteemed experts on the difference between “facts” and “misinformation” were nowhere to be found.
• Trump started attacking drug boats off the Venezuelan coast, outraging Democrats, who demanded a more empathetic approach to narcoterrorism.
• James Talarico launched his campaign for U.S. Senate in Texas. The state lawmaker was immediately hailed by Obama and others as a rising star with the potential to “turn Texas blue.” One small problem: Talarico is on video declaring that “God is non-binary” and insisting that there are “six” biological sexes according to “modern science.” He won’t even make it past the primary. Rep. Jasmine Crockett (D., Texas) is going to wipe the floor with him.
OCTOBER — Oopsie Nazi
• Another Democratic darling, Maine Senate candidate Graham Platner, apologized for accidentally getting a Nazi tattoo on his chest. Then he hired an artist of questionable competence to replace the SS skull with a deformed Celtic wolf suffering from morbid obesity.
• Speaking of anti-Semites, Zohran Mamdani fought back tears while recalling how his aunt was a victim of the 9/11 terrorist attack. She didn’t die or anything, but she “stopped taking the subway … because she did not feel safe in her hijab.”
• America celebrated the one-year anniversary of Trump’s unforgettable shift at McDonald’s. There is still no evidence that Kamala Harris ever worked there as she claimed.
NOVEMBER — Enhanced Transfiguration
• Dick Cheney entered the Kingdom of Heaven, having conquered all there is to conquer here on Earth. He departed on his own terms, just before the voters of New York City could disgrace themselves by electing a mayor who loves communism almost as much as he loves Hamas. Rest in power, king.
• Virginia voters elected an attorney general, Jay Jones, who fantasized about murdering Republicans and their children.
• Karine Jean-Pierre, the former White House press secretary who was breathlessly regaled for being the first black female lesbian to hold the position, published a memoir that was so bad it shattered liberals’ faith in DEI.
• Nancy Pelosi, 85, finally cashed out of Congress after nearly four decades. Her legacy includes amassing a huge personal fortune thanks to her husband’s impossibly well-timed stock trades, passing the “Affordable” Care Act, and flaunting her pendulous jugs out on an Italian beach.
• Joe Biden turned 83 while being treated for prostate cancer, which reminds us that almost every single Democrat went on record saying Biden was perfectly capable of serving as president until 2029.
DECEMBER — Make It Stop
• In Australia, a deadly terrorist attack targeting Jews has sparked yet more fears of a backlash against peaceful Muslims. Meanwhile, a Palestinian newspaper denounced the Syrian immigrant who disarmed one of the gunmen as a “traitor” to the cause.
• Sen. Cory Booker (D., N.J.) secured a female wife, which could come in handy when he runs for president (again) in 2028. No straight man in the history of human existence has ever looked as deliriously happy—outside of a sports-related event—as Booker did in his engagement photos. Congrats!
• Gov. Gavin Newsom (D., Calif.), the 2028 Democratic frontrunner, baffled experts and appalled the voting public with his flagrant display of “testicle-crushing” contortion.
• Finally, some good news: Kamala Harris is getting serious about running again in 2028.
Have a good one.
