Add Central Park’s Great Lawn to the long list of things getting ruined


Once legends, now falling

So it’s: The Great Lawn is falling apart. So’s the dollar value.

Also San Francisco, Golden Globes, Madison Avenue shopping, religion, civility, Sam Bankman-Fried, devoted families, marriages, childbearing, Hunter Biden’s alibis, historic statues and my face — but that’s a whole other conversation.

Plus: CNN, rules of law, quality of merchandise, quality of food, relationships and what once was considered our government, Fauci (who actually fell apart earlier), education, remember marriage vows? and Long Island’s oy! ugh! non Congresscreature ­George Santos. Please may he decrease.

Not waiting till the last minute, already going poop: Oceans overflowing, lightning striking, energy out of energy, always Staten Island itching to secede.

Also crickets, roaches, mice, substandard subways and now out-of-town made bagels which taste like linen.

And Gone With the Wind (like the movie itself) is today’s power of the NYPD, what Ukraine was, what Hong Kong was, what Iran was, what our House of Representatives was, how about current miseries of Hong Kong, Venezuela, Israel, Syria and the allegedly lousy Prince Andrew.

Also going poop: Cost of living, infrastructure, hurricanes, earthquakes and any partridge that might still hang in a pear tree.

Day of infamy

Next week Friday the 13th cometh which meaneth things that go bump in the night may even go bump during the day.

Biblical scholars say Eve tempted Adam with that apple on Friday. Who was there to record that, this I don’t know.

The Great Flood began Friday. Cain slew Abel Friday. It was Day of the Crucifixion. The Last Supper had 13. Judas the 13th to arrive.

This very date France’s King Philip IV of Whenever arrested his Knights. Sympathizers condemned Friday the 13th as lousiest evil-est day.

More. Friday, Oct. 13, 2006. Buffalo’s half a million people lost power under 2 feet of snow.

Friday, Oct. 13, 1989, stock market pooped. Friday, July 13, 1951, swollen rivers overflowed in Kansas.

Murmured is that March 13, 2020, could be first official US pandemic day.

Next Friday even triskaidekaphobians throw salt over their shoulders. (Not a really good habit if you’re a dude delivering cake.)

Soothsayers sooth that it’s no day to curl your hair, don’t wear black, forget it as a wedding time, do not venture out that night, no 13 guests at your table. Stay home. And invite me over. 

Conquering Hollywood

Meanwhile, we got us Napoleon — and where he had his Sweet Sixteen, who knows. Like DC hasn’t enough mini Napoleons limping around, comes now a film variety.

Factoids put this mini emperor at 5-foot-2. Standing on his bunions, others hoist him to maybe a giant 5-foot-6.

He’s already been immortalized by tall Marlon Brando, Rod Steiger, Dennis Hopper. Now strutting in the title role? Joaquin Phoenix.

Joaquin Phoenix in a scene from Ridley Scott’s “Napoleon.”
Alamy Stock Photo

Ridley Scott, who has a Napoleonic complex, felt he made battle scenes very real.

He says: “Directing a war film the scale of everything is so massive. I had 300 men. Horses. Eleven cameras in the field. It’s like actually reconstructing the real thing. I started to think like Napoleon.”

Opens Thanksgiving weekend. Short hero, long film: Two hours, 38 minutes, hopefully it’s not a turkey. 

Remember the spinster who’s pregnant, disappeared, used a phony address, checked into a hospital under an alias, told nobody nothing — then gave birth to quintuplets.

Only in New York, kids, only in New York.

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